But as experts like Stanford professor Bob Sutton have made clear over and over, that just doesnt work.

Its their best friend and they cant in good conscience abandon them.

Without them youd deal with crippling low self-esteem, Eeyore.

Likewise, corporate leaders with moderate narcissism are rated by their employees as far more effective than those with too little or too much.

The difference between narcissists and the rest of us is one of degree, not kind.

Thats like feeling sorry for people with tuberculosis but saying those with meningitis are a bunch of jerks who had it coming.

They werent appreciated for just being themselves; they were only celebrated for what they achieved.

When you cant count on empathy from those around you, you stop trusting, and you feel ashamed of your normal human frailties.

You stop trying to soothe your insecurities by relying on people and instead turn to a fantasy self where you are superior.

But it also holds the secret to helping narcissists get better.

Still there, but as you have probably experienced first hand, it sure doesnt get used much.

But when they are compassionately reminded of the importance of their relationships and how those relationships can help them achieve their goals they can improve.

When they feel secure love, they become more loving and more committed in return The lesson from research is that people only slide down the spectrum when theyre reminded of the importance of their relationships.

Change doesnt come from telling them off for being too success-driven, ruthless, or manipulative; it comes by showing them the benefits of collaboration and understanding.

But psychologists have found success with using what are called empathy prompts.

Voicing the importance of your relationship generally involves making supportive statements, such as You matter so much to me or Youre important to me or I care about you a great deal.

Theyre the kind of reassurance many narcissists dont even realize they miss.

They nudge people toward thinking about the relationship, moving the focus from you and me to we.

More importantly, they signal your willingness to offer secure love.

Thats why I feel so sad when you dont return my calls for weeks.

So when you question my every move, I feel devastated, like Im a failure in your eyes.

But if someone has full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder, well, the cancer has metastasized.

They may be too far gone to improve without professional help.

If your narcy is impervious to them, they may be impervious to your help overall.

But you probably cant get this deep and emotionally gooey at the office.

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